Another reason I despise that movie is because of the unappealing lead actor and actress (Matthew MacConnaughy and Sarah Jessica Parker), neither of whom I can remotely stand watching in anything they perform. But they both have charmed careers despite my disdain for them as actors and celebrities, so I won't say any more about how unfair life is.
I now make a terrible confession that most heterosexual men would either never dare do or be unable to say as the truth. I am a 44-year-old virgin. Surprised? Only in recent months did I learn one reason for my shy demeanor is the possible Asperger's Syndrome that held me back from developing a normal social life from childhood onward. And as a friend once told me, my mother held onto me too tightly - partly because I was her only child and partly due to her fear of losing me associated with being an only child of hers. By the time I was an adult I was so messed up from being smothered by her well-meaning if misguided love I never had the personal ambition to stand on my own two feet from my early 20s onward. I am not even a remotely-handsome man in the world's eyes and never was attractive to the sorts of women I lusted after or longed for from afar. There might've been a few interested in me, but they were probably even more shy than me about expressing it to my face (but odds are they were not what I wanted in a soulmate companion). On the few occasions I tried to get a girlfriend from age 15 to 18, I was met with universal rejection or beaten out by some more confident guy for the object of my would-be affection. I'm a natural born loser, of course.
Right now, even as I sit here alone typing this first new blog entry of 2013, I have no social life and cannot follow various bits of well-meaning advice from concerned friends on how to attract women. In the past, people have tried encouraging me toward one woman or another, but the choices were never right for various reasons (one in 1988 was a blonde teenage airhead I had nothing in common with, another opportunity to meet cute girls in December 1991 I literally ran away from for fear the women would be snobs that looked down upon my then 300-pound body, and in 2009 I shot down an offer of a woman's telephone number from a co-worker because the woman in question was a divorcee). I often say the crushing of my heart by a girl out of my league after I'd lost 50 pounds (dropping from the 270s in high school to 220s as a new college freshman) to impress her was the thing that destroyed my confidence as an adult at 18. But now I know the Asperger's made me a tongue-tied, shy and frightened fool unable to become friends with any potential lover first. I'm still alone and frustrated with my solitary situation. But I don't drink alcohol, so I'll never meet some bar skank. I'm no fun to be around much of the time, so all the party whores who want a good time and then settle down with the right guy will never give me the time of day. I don't know which church to attend (finding so many teach one erronious doctrine or other) for meeting new people and possibly finding that right person who believes as I do about Jesus Christ, assuming she has the personality and appearance I want in a soulmate marriage for life. And one should not attend church just for the social connections - that is the wrong reason, when God wants believers to support one another spiritually in Christian fellowship first.
As I've gotten older and failed to establish a successful writing career that would make me more attractive to the opposite sex, the problem with that being there are some women who would be interested in me ONLY for that reason and nothing else (making for a shallow relationship with disastrous consequences), I don't know how I will ever lose my virginity (I've heard masturbation doesn't count in terms of losing the status). The older I get, the more likely I'll feel pressure to accept some undesirable female just to become married - among whom I find the single mothers, divorced single women or mothers and widowed women or mothers (which may or may not include the category of female known by the unflattering label fugly - it's a combination of two negative or profane words for those of you unfamiliar with it - fucking ugly). I don't expect a beauty queen as I perhaps once did when a foolish youth that got his heart broken. I do expect a woman who's not had her wild fling in life and wants to settle down by settling for me, some party whore whose past I couldn't abide living with or forgiving, some sorority slut that dated leisure studies majors (yeah, Gary, you coined this term about your experiences at OSU and it's the label that keeps on giving) in college until the frat boy tired of her and tossed her aside like human garbage.
I want a decent girl who's never been with a man, but not because she's the undesirable sort of female no man would even give one night of pity screwing. I also have a problem with the uber-liberated woman in general (after a life long distrust of any female labeling herself another feminist - I have no use for them generally), but prefer some woman of strong character and fortitude (just not bossy or overbearing that likes to henpeck or pussy whip men into submission). I just don't know how or where to seek out this hidden female. I am still effectively handcuffed by the Asperger's Syndrome and have no confidence as a result of all the rejections from much younger days. I suppose if I'd been a different person without this mental problem making me a social misfit, I might be in a happy, healthy marriage of many years right now (having wed in my mid-20s as I now realize I should've - only back then no one was asking or available around me). But God dealt me this rotten hand of cards without even a pair (of balls - as in courage to seek out the opposite sex, not physical testicles - I have two of those) to bet on in this poker game of life. I'm pathetic and women can probably sense it even if I wasn't confessing it here along with being a V-word.
In less than four months now, I turn 45 years old. I want to be in a romantic relationship with potential for matrimony sometime within 2013. I'm not getting any younger and may require medical assistance considering how the diabetes and middle-age have seriously ruined any natural spontaneous sex drive. The woman I end up with will have to literally be an understanding soul patient enough with her broken-down mate to make him feel he has some self-worth. Had the writing career flourished by now, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here whining on the Internet about how I've never gotten laid (and don't want to pay for it). I envy and in some ways loathe confident and super-confident men. I guess they'll be the ones that breed the next generation of humanity while I sit here all alone as my branch of my family's tree abruptly ends (with me hanging from a rope around the neck).
Life has been unfair to me (I know, get over it, someone will say). But I can't go back and try again, and even if I could if the same defective personality was given a second chance I'd most likely fail once more (even if armed with the knowledge of the first failed efforts at key moments). I know now that God doesn't care if I ever marry (He wants praise and worship first and foremost, that talk about God's chosen mate for a person is romantic marketing crap - the only mate He chose for any man was Eve for Adam) and won't be allowed a wife after the Resurrection (Matthew 22:30) and the Apostle Paul wrote urging believers not ever to wed except for avoiding fornicational sins from normal sexual lusts (1st Corinthians 7:8-9). I have lusted in my heart for my share of women, being a raging heterosexual, and sought God's forgiveness for such transgressions of the mind (Matthew 5:28), but my rage at being alone for my entire adult life, never having the courage to ask just any woman for a date in twenty-six years and making a jackass of myself whenever I've tried flirting with some woman now and again, is going to destroy me (from the cardiovascular stress alone probably).
My situation in this regard appears hopeless, unless God introduces me to some special woman on my remaining journey through life. I have no expectation it will ever happen. But if it should befall me, I just hope she's not (figuratively speaking) too little, too late.